


Love Forbids You

by TerraCody



Series: The Night Before the Decisive Battle [7]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions/Golden Deer Joint Route, Headcanon, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Massage, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:42:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26559913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerraCody/pseuds/TerraCody
Summary: Leonie POV. She never, ever thought she would fall in love. Least of all with HIM, of all people. But she did, and she thinks it’s pointless and futile because he would never be with someone like her.But how does he really feel?
Relationships: Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Leonie Pinelli
Series: The Night Before the Decisive Battle [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841431
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Fire Emblem: Three Houses and its characters are the property of Intelligent Systems, Koei Tecmo, and Nintendo. This pairing is what I call my “spite couple”. When I first played the Golden Deer route I disliked both Lorenz and Leonie so immensely that when I saw their C-Support I was like, “Yeah you two hate each other and I don’t like either of you, so I’m pairing you both together”. My tune changed though as I played through the game, watched their Supports with other characters, and watched their entire Support chain. I grew to love both characters by the end of the game (and Lorenz is now one of my favorite characters) and now no matter how many times I’ve replayed Three Houses I can’t bring myself to pair them with anyone else.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this story.

_31st of the Blue Sea Moon, Imperial Year 1186_

Jerr wasn’t a horse easily spooked. He had been my constant companion for three and a half years, and for a horse he had a natural stoicism that reminded me of his namesake, Jeralt.

As we fought at Fort Merceus, I didn’t expect Jerr to panic upon seeing the Giant Demonic Beast attack the battalion ahead of us, so when he neighed and skidded to a stop I could not brace myself and was instead thrown from my saddle. ”AAAH!”

I slammed into the cobblestones and briefly saw stars as pain shot up my body. I was in a daze for a moment, almost forgetting that I was in the middle of a battle. I blinked to clear my vision and saw that my battalion had raced ahead to fight the Beast. My gasped heavily and quickly patted myself down as I looked myself over. I didn’t see or feel any broken bones. I tested my legs to make sure I hadn’t broken my back and nearly fainted in relief when I saw my knees bend. My legs were not broken.

_Oh, thank the Goddess. I’m just bruised and had the wind knocked out of me. That could have gone a lot worse._

My relief was short lived. Because of my daze and the chaos around me, I did not see the Fortress Knight until the toes of his armored boots came into my vision. I quickly looked up and saw him swinging the massive axe down upon me! I had no time to attack or roll away. The only thing I could think to do was grab the Inexhaustible from my back and swing the bow across my body in a feebly attempt to protect myself.

CLANG!

The axe’s sharp blade connected with the unyielding Sacred Weapon. But the force of his swing knocked me flat on my back on the ground. My arms trembled violently and I gritted my teeth as I struggled to keep the axe at bay. The Fortress Knight above me was undeterred however; he planted his feet on either side of my hips and put all of his strength at forcing his weapon down upon me. From the angle he stood, I couldn’t curl my legs to kick him in the groin. I couldn’t even move in my position, because all of my strength was concentrated on steadying the Inexhaustible and keeping the axe from descending further.

But he had the advantage. He was physically stronger than me, as could be expected of a Fortress Knight, and he used his superior strength to overpower me. I was completely at his mercy.

”Guhhh!” I growled, and took a moment to look around frantically. Kingdom and Imperial forces were fighting around us. Everyone was too focused on their own battles to see that I needed help. I looked for my battalion, but I could no longer see them. I couldn’t even see Jerr from my position. The axe was now centimeters from my throat, and it would only moments before the Sacred Weapon was pressed into my jugular. I would either be strangled by my own bow, or my throat would be cut by the axe’s blade. I didn’t have the strength or time to scream for help.

_I...Am I going to die like this? Cut down after struggling to survive? Slain while surrounded by allies who could help me if they noticed me?_

” _Sagittae_!”

The shout startled me, and the Fortress Knight quickly looked up. Five blue-white fire orbs flew straight over me and slammed into the Imperial knight. The magic attack knocked him straight off his feet and sent him flying backwards, slamming into the ground. I slowly sat up, gasping for air and suddenly feeling drained. I heard galloping footsteps behind me, followed by a neigh of a horse and I quickly turned around. My mouth hung open in shock when I saw Lorenz Hellman Gloucester quickly stop his horse, Jakob. He flew off his steed and was at my side, grabbing me by my arm and pulling me to my feet. He wasn’t looking at me, and in the moment I was glad; his expression was filled with murderous rage that somewhat frightened me. He advanced on the Fortress Knight who had attacked me, wielding the Sacred Weapon of his House, the Axe of Ukonvasara. The Fortress Knight had managed to climb to his feet, but Lorenz quickly swung his axe up and brought it straight down on the Imperial Knight’s shoulder. The Sacred Weapon sliced straight through the knight’s heavy armor and cleaved down his torso. Blood geysered out of his body, and when Lorenz wrenched the Axe of Ukonvasara free the knight’s body nearly sliced completely in half.

I stared stunned at the corpse of the Fortress Knight who nearly killed me, almost not believing that just moments earlier _I_ had almost died. A hand covered with a black gauntlet grabbed my shoulder, and I flinched at I turned. “Are you all right?”

Lorenz. The rage was gone from his face, replaced with an expression of worry and...some emotion I couldn’t identify. His tone of voice was gentle. I swallowed thickly and nodded. “T-Thank you for saving me,” I said.

Lorenz was about to respond, but was distracted by an enemy attack. “Where is your horse?” He shouted over his shoulder. 

I smacked another soldier across the face with the Inexhaustible and quickly looked around for Jerr. I spotted him several meters away, and was relieved to see him uninjured. “There!” I shouted. “Hang on!”

I raced back to Jerr and swung back up into my saddle. When I turned towards Lorenz my breath hitched when I saw that he was surrounded on all sides by fives soldiers. I raised the Inexhaustible and frantically fired arrow after arrow. To my immense relief four of the five soldiers immediately fell upon being struck by an arrow, and while the fifth only wavered they were quickly dispatched by Lorenz. Lorenz waved to me in thanks (and—was that a smile?!) before mounting Jakob and reuniting with his battalion of Gloucester Knights to engage the Demonic Beast.

But then Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd and Professor Byleth raced towards the Demonic Beast to engage it. Once the two of them double-teamed the Beast, the other forces scattered. I was impressed by their combined strength, even if I felt a sliver of envy.

_It’s fine. There’s other matters you need to attend to. And once that’s done...you need to figure out how to repay him for saving your life._

* * *

_29th of the Verdant Rain Moon_

I had finished preparing to march on Enbarr early in the morning. My equipment was clean and repaired. Jerr was healthy and ready for the ride. The rest of the Monastery was still making last minute preparations for the campaign, but I went to the Training Grounds as I now had free time.

Dimitri and the Professor returned just a few days ago from their meeting with Emperor Edelgard von Hresvelg. While I was ready and eager to avenge Captain Jeralt’s death, I had still hoped and prayed that the upcoming battle could be avoided. Unfortunately, the pair returned to the Monastery with grim expressions. Edelgard could not be swayed.

_Well, at least I can still fight to avenge Jeralt._

But everyone was predictably busy this morning, and those who weren’t busy were lining up to try a new cake made from a dirt substance called ‘chocolate’. Trying this new cake however didn’t interest me in the slightest because I disliked sweets, and the fact that it was made from dirt only firmed my stance further to not try it. _This is foolish. Sacks of this chocolate arrived just yesterday out of the blue and people want to eat dirt just because it tastes like a confectionary. Our food supplies cannot be so diminished that people want to eat dirt!_

But they did, and I could only shake my head in disbelief.

The Training Grounds was otherwise unoccupied except for Shamir Nevrand. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw her, though her back was to me as she faced a target. “Good morning, Shamir!”

”Hmm,” was Shamir’s only reply, and she only acknowledged my presence with a glance over her shoulder. I set up another target beside her and took position. I noticed that she was using a Steel Bow instead of a Training Bow like I had but I shrugged my shoulders. I felt commonality with Shamir because of our shared career goals as mercenaries. She was always stoic and matter-of-fact, and admittedly I had seen mercenary life in an idealized way when I was younger. So the advice she had given me was also stoic...and matter-of-fact.

_”If you plan on becoming a mercenary, then as a woman you need to guard yourself.”_

_”Oh, I don’t think I have to worry about that! I know how to fight on the ground and on horseback! If some bandit takes me on in combat, I could handle them no problem!”_

_”I’m not talking about guarding your life. I’m talking about guarding your body.”_

I stiffened and flushed. _W...Why did I just remember THAT particular conversation?!_ I shook my head furiously. _No, it doesn’t matter! Just focus on your training!_

I picked up an arrow and readied the Training Bow—but the moment I released the arrow the Training Bow snapped in half in my hands. “W-What?!” I stared down at the bow incredulously. “Why did this break?! I haven’t used this bow yet!”

”That’s why I’m using a Steel Bow,” Shamir said with her usual stoicism.

I left the Training Grounds disappointed, as I had not been able to do any training thanks to that blasted bow breaking, and it didn’t seem worth the effort to go back to my room to get another bow. _Great. It’s still very early but I already accomplished what I needed to do today. What else can I do?_

When I looked up I saw that I was near the Central Building and I smiled. _That’s it. I’ll visit Captain Jeralt._

I crossed through the Central Building and steered myself towards the Cemetery. When I reached the top step I looked down and stopped in my tracks. Someone was already standing in front Jeralt’s final resting place. _Professor Byleth..._

A bouquet of flowers was resting on top of the gravestone that Jeralt shared with his wife, Sitri. I knew that Byleth had to have been the one to put the flowers there. From my position I couldn’t see her face, but she seemed to be looking down at her hand. I almost went down to join her, but I knew that I would be intruding so I stood my ground and waited.

I always envied her. She was the closest person to Jeralt and she had all of his love if for no other reason than the fact that she was his daughter. And she was a skilled warrior, an accomplished mercenary in her own right. Despite her stoicism, Byleth seemed to have a naturally magnetic personality that drew people towards her. I knew that she had gotten the attention of all three heirs—Claude, Dimitri, and Edelgard—almost immediately. And Rhea of course had a lot of attention for her. The skills and the attention she had received from others used to fill me with anger because she was everything I imagined myself to be as a mercenary. I was working so hard to achieve my goals, and seeing her have everything that I wanted, and with seemingly no effort whatsoever, made me genuinely hate her for a long time. I even left the Golden Deer to join the Blue Lions when she offered, specifically so that I could compete with her directly.

_”That's how I've made it this far. Just hard work, all on my own. But then you come along...And it's like you don't appreciate Captain Jeralt at all, or how lucky you were to have him around your whole life! Ugh! It still really bothers me!”_

I winced at the memory, and looked away from her. It was something that still filled me with shame, even years later and even after I apologized to her. Yelling at her about her relationship with Captain Jeralt was bad enough. But I had yelled at her _the day after_ he was murdered. Even now my heart ached at remembering my feelings when I saw Jeralt’s dead body; how raw and ugly I felt. I had cried for hours. I cried until my eyes were almost swollen shut and I couldn’t breathe because my nose was stuffed. Then I saw her...I saw Byleth wandering around in a daze in the Blue Lions Classroom alone, silent but crying. Seeing her stoic mask crumble, her deep mourning—I became so _angry_. I had wanted to reach out to her so that we could share in our grief, but instead I yelled at her over my perceptions of her relationship with Jeralt. I unleashed my grief and rage over Jeralt’s murder on his own daughter _._ The person most affected by his death. She didn’t yell at me back. She didn’t even say anything in return. She just stood there and stared at me while I screamed at her until I left.

But I knew that I had hurt Professor Byleth and had made her feel alone in her grief, because after that she stayed in her room for eight straight days, emerging finally on the 4th of the Guardian Moon. Surprising everyone by taking Ingrid Brandi Galatea to tea for her birthday. I had never hated myself more than in that moment, watching her force a smile as to not spoil Ingrid’s birthday.

_I always felt inferior to her because I felt like she acted like she was better than. But she never acted like she was better than me—she just **was** better than me._

Things did get better between us and I was finally able to apologize to her for what I did. And though I don’t think I could forgive myself for how I had treated her, I felt rest assured that I had proven myself to be a trusted ally to her and was keeping my promise to Jeralt to protect her.

“Leonie?”

I flushed as I realized that Byleth had left her parents graves and saw me standing there watching her. ”Hi, Professor.” I waved awkwardly as she climbed the stairs towards me. “I knew you would be here.”

”I wanted to see my parents,” Byleth said. “Are you here to see my father too?”

”Yeah. I wanted to say goodbye to Jeralt before we marched tomorrow.” I was still embarrassed that she had caught me watching her, and because of the thoughts and feelings that had swirled inside me when she noticed me. My gaze dropped to her closed hand, desperate for a change in topic. “Might I ask what you have there?”

Byelth flushed, taking me by surprise. She raised her hand and opened it. A silver ring with purple gemstones rested in her palm. “This was my father’s ring. He gave it to my mother when he proposed to her.”

”Oh, that’s beautiful!” I immediately brightened upon hearing that the ring belonged to Jeralt. I had to resist the to grab it though, because that was her ring and not mine. “I’m not fond of jewelry, but count on Jeralt to have the perfect ring for his wife!”

”I thought so too,” Byleth said. “This was my father’s keepsake for me.”

”Oh?” I looked up. _Jeralt’s keepsake for his only child was a ring?_ “I-I don’t mean to pry, but you brought the ring here for a reason, didn’t you?”

Byleth nodded quickly and looked away. She was blushing, which I found cute. “Father said I should give this ring to someone who I love as much as he loved my mother.”

I felt a jolt of shock in my body, my face got hotter. I realized that Byleth was preparing herself to propose to someone. But who?

_That’s an inappropriate question. I can’t ask her that! But..._

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “W—”

”Ah, Professor!”

We both jumped at this shout, but I immediately noticed the change in Byleth’s demeanor. Her body language relaxed and she smiled as she waved to the people approaching us. “Here, Dimitri!”

Dimitri and Dedue Molinaro didn’t really pay any attention to me, keeping their focus on Byleth. I didn’t mind, but I didn’t miss the way Dimitri and Byleth looked at each other. The way their tones changed when they spoke specifically to each other. I looked between them briefly, and looked at Dedue, and I saw that the man looked pleased by how Dimitri and Byleth responded to each other.

_Ah. Now I understand. But I’m not surprised in the slightest. Byleth single-handedly saved Dimitri’s mind. And Dimitri, well...he’s always treated the Professor with so much care._

But her words (and by extension Jeralt’s words) rang through my mind as I stood in front of Jeralt’s grave. I stared down at the resting place of my idol, and I was proud of myself for not bursting into tears. But the more I thought about it, especially after seeing Byleth’s interactions with Dimitri, the more my mind kept wandering to unknown areas. Areas I did not regularly acknowledge...or _want_ to acknowledge, really.

_Jeralt’s last wish for his daughter was not to be the best mercenary ever. His last wish for her was to spend her life with her true love. Is...Would he want the same for me, too?_

* * *

It was night. The proximity of my room next to the Greenhouse and the Fishing Pond could sometimes be tiresome because I was constantly overhearing conversations, or people from the Second Floor Dormitories sneaking out to break curfew. I could remember numerous times peeking out my door in the dead of night and seeing Claude von Riegan sneaking off somewhere with Hilda Valentine Goneril. I didn’t tell on them because it seemed ridiculous tattling on the both of them. And they were my friends, and friends watched each other’s backs.

It was noisy now, but I welcomed the distraction as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, because the noise outside stopped my mind from wandering. But not completely.

_“Father said I should give this ring to someone who I love as much as he loved my mother.”_

I closed my eyes and exhaled sharply. I didn’t know why I was so surprised by the topic of love. Of course Jeralt loved his wife. And of course Jeralt would want his daughter to be happy. I was wary of Dimitri because of how fragile he was internally, but Byleth seemed to understand the risks of being with him and embraced them wholeheartedly. Jeralt had wanted to be with Sitri. Byleth wanted to be with Dimitri.

And I...did I want to be with someone?

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter as my heart lurched in my chest. _Who am I kidding? The answer of course is yes. I do want to be with someone._

I sat up slowly and reached down to touch my foot. I remembered when I had injured it all those years ago, but I had been determined to finish my chores and then take care of my injury. But...

_”There, that should ease the pain. And since you are recovering, allow me to carry this burden for you as well.”_

I closed my eyes and cradled my foot. Just hearing the whisper of his voice—a voice that had used to fill me with dread and annoyance—but now it made my heart pound harder. I frowned deeply, but the name still formed on my lips. “Lorenz...”

I had hated him the moment I met him at Garreg Mach. Or at least I _thought_ I had hated him. He was everything that I hated about the nobility; pompous, smug, and brimming with self-righteous self-importance. Sauin Village was located in Gloucester territory, so we naturally paid our taxes directly to House Gloucester. I had disliked Lorenz based on principle alone as the heir to House Gloucester, but every time he opened his mouth during our Academy days I had to resist the urge to punch him in his smug, slimy face.

But...it was odd. Lorenz had made the absolute worst first impression on me but he had also gone out of his way to make friendships with everyone at Garreg Mach (the exceptions being Claude and Sylvain). He lectured me about my attitude as though he was my father, but at the same time he had made a conscious effort to spend time with me and win my friendship. He had constantly done everything for his own self-gain and for the gain of his House, but when he heard rumors that his own father caused the massacre that killed Claude’s uncle and Raphael Kirsten’s parents, Lorenz negotiated with Claude and House Riegan to give tax-free status to the families affected by this tragedy. And when Claude broken up with Hilda and she joined the Blue Lions house, he was angry on her behalf without trying to win her favor.

And...And he saved my life at Fort Merceus when there was absolutely nothing to gain from it, and in doing so he put his own life in danger.

_And I have yet to repay him for saving me._

It was...weird. He was a pompous jerk who acted like he was better than everyone else, but he always held a degree of sincerity in his demeanor. He was insufferable, an annoyance who tended to cause problems instead of creating resolutions—but I found myself thinking about him constantly. His voice and his smug face got on my nerves—but sometimes just thinking about the tone he uses or envisioning his face put me at ease.

_”That is precisely what being friends with you has helped me to understand. In fact, I’ve...begun somewhat to think of you as rather something more.”_

I drew my knees up and rested my chin on them. Lorenz had said that to me when I treated the wound on his right hand. He—Was he trying to tell me he loved me? That didn’t seem possible; I wasn’t the kind of woman he wanted. No...it wasn’t possible. I knew that it didn’t mean that he loved me. But after he told me that, those words were a constant presence in my mind. It distracted me in battles and at the War Table. I thought I hated him, but...

_I love him._

”Damn it,” I muttered, clenching my hands into fists against my bed. Falling in love was supposed to be a magical experience, right? But realizing that I had fallen in love with Lorenz Hellman Gloucester wasn’t a magical experience for me. I panicked, and was filled with self-loathing and dread. I wasn’t supposed to have fallen in love with him. I hadn’t want to fall in love with _anyone_ , really. All I had wanted to do was become a mercenary and join Jeralt’s group. But Jeralt was dead, and now _I_ led his mercenary group. Women like me didn’t fall in love with men like Lorenz. I hated myself for loving him, and for trying to convince myself that he loved me back, because thinking like that was immature and foolish. I tried to squash the feeling, to ignore it and dispel it from my mind, but instead the feelings of love grew with each passing moon. It was stupid, so stupid, because nothing was going to come from feeling the way I did!

_”I am attempting to fulfill my duty as heir of House Gloucester. It is my responsibility to continue our noble line by finding a suitable lady to be my wife. It is a rigorous process. My family has the very highest standards for appearance, grace, temperament, and pedigree.”_

_”I would have no choice. The worlds of the nobility and the common folk are simply too far apart. I cannot choose to abandon my duty merely for the sake of a fleeting emotion.”_

_”I’m certain I’ve told you before that my marriage must be beneficial to House Gloucester. I’ve not the time for fruitless courtship.”_

I had unwillingly overheard Lorenz say these exact words in conversations years ago with Professor Byleth, Dorothea Arnault, and Mercedes von Martritz. He phrased it in so many different ways but the meaning was the one; he could not and would not marry a commoner because it would not benefit this House. He had impossibly high standards for his marriage partner, and I certainly did not meet these standards.

Lorenz was not going to choose me. I knew this all along. But I couldn’t stop loving him.

I had kept this to myself because there wasn’t really anyone I felt I could speak with regarding love. And I certainly didn’t want anyone to know that I had fallen in love with Lorenz, because they would either look at me with pity or think that I was crazy. _We are marching tomorrow. He is my friend, and we have a professional relationship. He cares about me, but he doesn’t love me. He would never allow himself to love me anyway._

I slowly opened my eyes and was surprised to see tears stinging them. I blinked to clear my vision and did breathing exercises to calm down. I looked towards the ceiling then. _Lorenz...he hasn’t come out of his room all month, has he? He wasn’t happy when Claude dissolved the Alliance and handed it over to Dimitri. I know he’s not happy about the march tomorrow, because he’s now truly marching under the banner of the Kingdom of Faerghus and not under the banner of the Leicester Alliance._

I shook my head and looked down. “Don’t do it,” I told myself. “Don’t do it, Leonie. You will be wasting your time if you do it.” I sat there on my bed, trying to convince myself that I needed to stay put. But as I repeated the mantra over and over again, a whisper of a voice hummed in my ears.

_I want to see him._

I paused in my mantra and looked towards my door. I shook my head as a hard lump formed in my throat, but my heart was now pounding in my chest. I let out a sharp, painful breath and ducked my head again. “You’re a damn fool.”

* * *

“That looks like a purple shadow!”

“ _Purple_?! Quick! Reel it in, Annette!”

When I closed my doors behind me, I caught sight of what looked like Ashe Ubert and—Annette Fantine Dominic at the Fishing Pond, both of them struggling violently with the fishing pole Annette was holding. I couldn’t help but laugh as the pair were thrashed around the dock as they fought for seemingly their lives against the fish they wanted to catch. _If it’s the_ _Fódlandly though, they’re in for quite a fight._

I was moving towards the stairs when I noticed movement ahead of me. I looked up, and in the torch lights saw Ignatz Victor standing near the rail of the landing connecting the First Floor Dormitories to the Dining Hall and Greenhouse. His back was to me and I couldn’t help but smile and wave my hand. “Ig—”

Ignatz suddenly stumbled backwards, his back slamming against the rail. I recoiled in alarm and almost hurried towards him until I realized that arms were wrapped around his neck. I saw movement directly in front of him, and I gaped as I realized that _Petra Macneary_ was clinging to Ignatz. I flushed as I realized by the movements of her head that she was _kissing_ him! Ignatz’s arms flailed slightly for a few moments before he seemed to—melt in her arms. Those same panicked arms moved around her and pulled her against him.

I quickly looked away and clicked my mouth shut. _Ignatz is in a relationship with Petra? When did that happen?!_ I shook my head in disbelief. _So, Ignatz and Petra are together, Ashe and Annette are fishing together, and the Professor wants to propose to Dimitri. Are people hooking up just because we’re marching on Enbarr tomorrow?! It’s not like the world is ending tomorrow, only the war!_

I looked back towards my room and let out another short breath. _This is stupid. Tonight is no different than any other night. I don’t need to go and see Lorenz, especially when I don’t have a grasp on my emotions._

I told myself this...but still headed up to the Second Floor Dormitories. I didn’t go up there often, but I sometimes went up there to visit my friends in their rooms. I had even been in Lorenz’s room before. _I think his room was at the top of stairs. But there’s two sets of stairs here, right?_ I almost checked the door after the first flight of stairs, but then I remembered that the next two rooms were Edelgard and Hubert von Vestra’s rooms (which were searched by the Church). I remembered that Lorenz’s rooms were not next to these rooms and kept going. 

As I approached the next flight of stairs though, I saw someone loitering in the hallway. I smiled again and picked up the pace to reach them quickly. “Marianne!”

Marianne von Edmund flinched when I called out to her, but she smiled as she turned to me. “G-Good evening, Leonie.”

I smiled back at her, thrilled to see one of her rare smiles. “What are you doing over here? Isn’t your room back down the hallway?”

”A-Ah, yes it is,” Marianne said, nodding. “However, I...” she fidgeted, and I noticed for the first time that she was holding a wicker basket. “I wanted to see...” her voice trailed off again.

I looked towards the door we were standing in front of. I pointed to it. “Who’s room is this? Sylvain? Caspar? Ferdinand?”

”Yes, Ferdinand,” Marianne confirmed quietly. Her cheeks turned rosy. “Ah...I was concerned. You see, Ferdinand hasn’t left his room really all month. I know that tomorrow will be—” She shook her head. “I wanted to see him, and help him feel better.”

I gaped at her silence for several moments, not believing my ears. _She...I’m checking on Lorenz for the same reasons!_ I gestured to the basket. “You got him something?”

”O-Oh, yes.” Marianne took the cover off to show me. “I was able to get a slice of that new cake for him. B-But I thought that eating cake alone was unhealthy, so I made his favorite meal for him. I-I also brought tea leaves so he could have a beverage to drink with dinner. He loves Seiros Tea, but I-I also got him the Tea Leaves sold by the Eastern Merchant, in case he wanted to try something else. A-And...” her blush darkened. “I h-had also got for him a new pair of Riding Boots. And other...gifts.”

I swallowed thickly as I stared at her in silence. _She...She’s doing so much to help elevate Ferdinand’s mood. Oh Marianne, you are such a sweetheart._ I looked down at myself in shame. _And here I am, with nothing to offer Lorenz._

”Why are you standing out here then?” I asked her.

”I-I...” Marianne fidgeted again. “I am afraid that I would be bothering him. And I-I feel that I have too many gifts to offer to him. I’m concerned that I will make him feel—uncomfortable with me.”

”I’m sure he would be very flattered to be showered with gifts like this.”

”I...” she ducked her head, but she smiled again. “If I could make him happy—the way he showed me how to be happy...that would make me happy.”

I pressed a hand over my mouth in realization. _O...Oh Goddess. Marianne’s smiles, and her new positive demeanor...it was **Ferdinand** who was responsible for that?!_

I quickly looked at the door and then looked at Marianne. After a moment I impulsively reached out and knocked sharply on Ferdinand’s door. “Oh!” Marianne said quietly, jumping slightly.

“He’ll love them,” I told her quickly as I hurried past her. “He will be very, very happy to get these presents.”

I heard Marianne stammer behind me as I raced up the stairs. As I reached Lorenz’s door I heard Ferdinand’s voice say, “Oh, Marianne! I am very happy to see you!”

I couldn’t hear Marianne’s full response, but from my position I saw Ferdinand come out of his room to invite Marianne inside. After a few moments they both went inside his room.

_You better not hurt her Ferdinand von Aegir, or I will make you sorry._

I now faced Lorenz’s door. The dread started to rise in me again and I shook my head. _This is stupid. I’m glad I came now because I just helped Marianne in a big way, but I already know that I’m not going to have the same happy ending as her._ I sighed shortly. _Well...let’s just get this over with. I’ll say hi, and then go to bed._

I swallowed again and steeled my emotions as I reached up to knock on Lorenz’s door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Leonie named her horse after Jeralt in my story. I’m not proud of it, lol. Lorenz’s horse, Jakob, I named after Jakob from Fire Emblem Fates, who was one of my favorite characters in that game. And as you may already know, Ben Diskin was the English voice actor for both Lorenz and Jakob.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties with stuff regarding Lorenz’s room. Like, I could picture Lorenz bringing stuff from home to spruce up his room, as he would have the opportunity to do so unlike some of the other students. I could easily see Ferdinand do the same in the Crimson Flower route, lol.

“Leonie?”

Lorenz had a stunned expression on his face when he opened his door. His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging openly slightly. I stared back at him in silence for a moment, before feeling irritation at seeing his surprise. I shrugged casually. “Good evening. I was stopping by to see if you were still sulking.”

The shock faded from his expression, replaced with mild annoyance. “I do not sulk.”

”You’ve barely left this room all month, except if the Professor calls for a battle mission. What do you call that other than sulking?”

Lorenz straightened his posture as he frowned at me. “I call it steeling my emotions to prepare for the siege ahead. I need to be in proper control of myself if I am to be an asset to the Professor and Dimitri, and if I want to ensure the wellbeing of the soldiers who serve under me.”

”So, sulking,” I confirmed teasingly. 

Lorenz smiled then, but it was a wry smile as he leaned against his door. “Are you telling me with your biting words that you will not have my back tomorrow, Leonie? I would be surprised, but considering that you fired a ballista at me on a previous occasion, thank you for the warning.”

”Hey, _you’re_ the one who joined the Empire!” I shot back. “You showed up as an enemy unit at the Great Bridge of Myrddin! I attacked you as an opposing force!”

When we took the Bridge of Myrddin, I remembered how shocked and—and _betrayed_ I felt when Lorenz suddenly arrived with soldiers of House Gloucester, pledging loyalty to Edelgard. It was another bitter reminder of the disunity in the Alliance’s government, seeing someone who had _fought_ against the Empire when the Empire invaded Garreg Mach, to turn around and fight alongside the same country that invaded his own.

I knew, of course, that it was Count Gloucester and _not_ Lorenz who had allied with the Empire. Lorenz was just following his father’s orders because that was what was expected of him as heir. But seeing him filled me with rage (especially since I couldn’t help but feel _happy_ to see him) and I turned Jerr to quickly follow behind Byleth as she raced towards Lorenz’s position. I knew in hindsight though that she had moved quickly to engage Lorenz personally so that Lorenz would not face off against the still-unstable Dimitri. Dimitri would have surely killed Lorenz had they met.

By the time Byleth reached Lorenz, I was still too far away to offer assistance. I saw Lorenz talking to her, and I was just so _angry_ seeing his casual demeanor towards the Professor that when I spotted the ballista close by I flew off Jerr’s back and grabbed it. I fired without properly aiming, and the ballista pierced the ground a meter away from Jakob. The strike though spooked Lorenz’s horse, and he was quickly thrown from it. I saw that Lorenz looked towards me, but then Byleth jumped on top of him and straddled him. Despite my anger towards Lorenz I was scared that the Professor would land a killing blow on him.

However...after a few moments Byleth stood up off him. Lorenz also stood up—and he shook her hand. I knew then that he had rejoined our ranks, and I almost fell against the ballista in relief.

_It was stupid of him to blindly follow his father like that, but the Professor set him straight._

”I was doing my duty,” Lorenz said, bringing my attention back to him. “The Professor understood that. I do not understand why you do not.”

I shook my head and looked away. I didn’t want this. I didn’t come there to argue or belittle him. I finally looked back at him. “You seem to be doing okay,” I said instead of answering his statement. “I came here to confirm that. Have a good night.” I turned and walked away.

”Leonie,” Lorenz called out to me. I stopped in my tracks but didn’t turn. “I have inconvenienced you by having you come here to check up on me. I have brewed some tea. As repayment for you coming here, I would like to invite you inside my room for tea.”

I stared down the hallway in front of me and swallowed thickly. My heart was pounding again, and I felt foolish for my reaction. _He’s being polite and inviting you in for tea. You’ve visited him in his room before. This is no different than the other times you have seen him in his room._

I exhaled sharply, hoping that Lorenz didn’t hear my sigh, and turned around to face him. “I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

Lorenz smiled again, but it was with sincerity this time. I ignored my heart skipping a beat. “Please, come inside.”

I entered his room and resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the decorum. Lorenz’s arrival at Garreg Mach was later than the rest of us, and since he came straight from his estate he brought personal items with him for his room. His personal clothing chest. Candlesticks with House Gloucester’s emblem on them, holding high quality candles. A personal tea set. A personal wash basin. A thick purple cushion for his desk chair. Ridiculously expensive purple blankets for his bed. And three ( _three???_ ) puffy pillows at the head of his bed were just some of the additions that accentuated his room.

_He’s like a peacock flaunting his status! Oh Goddess, why am I cursed to have fallen in love with him?! Is this divine punishment for how I treated Professor Byleth?!_

”Please, have a seat.” He directed me towards the desk chair. I sat down, and hated myself for instantly feeling comfortable against the seat cushion. I noticed for the first time that he was not wearing his armor; it was hanging up and it looked freshly polished. But he was still wearing the purple shirt and purple trousers that he wore under his armor. “You do not like milk or sugar with your treat, yes?”

”I prefer the natural flavor of tea,” I said, rubbing at my forehead with the back of my hand. “But it—” the words stopped in my throat when Lorenz poured the tea, and the scent floated over to me. My eyes widened. “T-That—Is that Four-Spice Blend?”

”Yes, it is.” Lorenz poured a second cup of tea.

”B-But that’s _my_ favorite tea! I-I mean,” I stammered, blushing. “I didn’t know you liked Four-Spice Blend too. Don’t you like Buggamot?”

”Bergamot is my favorite. But I do not mind this blend either.” He walked over to him and handed me a cup and saucer. He was still smiling. “I hope that this is to your liking.”

”Thank you.” I took a sip of the tea and couldn’t help but smile. The tea leaves tasted like they had just been picked that morning. It was hot of course, but the warmth comforted me as I drank. “This is wonderful, Lorenz. Thank you so much!”

”I am glad you like it.” He _did_ sound genuinely pleased as he took a seat on his window seat. I noticed the cushions that now covered the window seat but said nothing. He sipped from his cup and winced at the flavor. He continued to drink the tea though nonetheless.

_...Why did he brew the Four-Spice Blend if he doesn’t drink it regularly?_

I realized then that we were sitting in silence while drinking tea and spoke up. “Say, Lorenz?”

”What is it?”

“You don’t seem happy with how things ended for the Leicester Alliance.”

Lorenz shook his head. “Of course I am upset. Our nation was flawed, but there was room for improvement. I feel that the dissolution of the Alliance was drastic. I am quite surprised though that you are not upset with the dissolution of our country.”

I shrugged. “It probably doesn’t mean a lot to nobles, but common folk really won’t care or notice that they are Kingdom citizens now instead of Alliance citizens. Just so long as the bureaucracy that rules over them is just and takes care of them, they’ll be content. Dimitri was in a bad way for a while, but I feel he’ll take care of the people.”

”I...have faith in him as well,” Lorenz agreed, albeit reluctantly.

”If it bothers you, then why did you leave the Golden Deer and join the Blue Lions?” Lorenz looked at me then but I shrugged again. “You could’ve stayed with Claude and by extension the Alliance. But you left after the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. Why?” 

Lorenz looked away then, and was silent for a long moment. “Hey, _I_ left the Golden Deer so that I could be a better rival to Professor Byleth,” I told him. “See? That was easy!”

”...I suppose that it does not matter now,” Lorenz said quietly. He set his teacup down. “I left the Golden Deer...because Claude wanted me to lead the Alliance.”

I gaped at him. “W...What?!”

”We had a conversation after the Battle of the Eagle and Lion,” Lorenz continued. “Usually we had very troublesome conversations, and this was no different, but then he said...” he cleared his throat, and his vocal inflection changed. “ _‘You had ambitions of becoming the Alliance's ruler, didn't you? Would you like to try that for real? If you really want it, I wouldn't mind giving up my position’_.” I realized that he was imitating Claude’s voice. Poorly. He coughed again and his voice returned to normal. “I had thought that he was joking, but he was quite serious. He had just appeared from out of nowhere—now we know from _Almyra_ —to be our new Duke and then he shrugs off his obligations as though they meant nothing to him. But—” he looked at me again. “But I knew that he was being sincere.”

I stared at him in stunned silence for a long moment before I could find my voice. “So...Claude offered you his Duke title. And you responded by _leaving_ the Golden Deer?”

”I came to the realization that I was living in Claude’s shadow,” Lorenz said grimly. He drank more of his tea. “I realized that a scandal could erupt if Claude just handed me his title. We would look like co-conspirators. Or people may assume that I had nefarious information over Claude’s head that I was using against him. So...I made the decision to leave. I believed that if I left Golden Deer and finished my schooling in another House, it would lessen the scandal of Claude giving me the title of Duke. If we did not have the appearance of closeness, then people would not assume that I was a scheming miser who was only looking out for myself. And since my family already had ties to the Empire, I thought it would be prudent to go to a neutral party—the Blue Lions.”

”Claude...wasn’t happy that you left the Golden Deer,” I said slowly. “He understood my decision when I left but he wasn’t happy with you. I’m going to hazard a guess in that you didn’t explain your intentions to Claude when you left.”

”Yes, that was a mistake on my part. Had I properly explained myself to Claude then maybe he would have...” he shook his head again. “But there is nothing to be done about it now. The Leicester Alliance is no more. I am now a lord of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, and have pledged my House to Dimitri. I cannot dwell on the past. All that I can do now is focus on my future.”

“That’s all any of us can do now,” I said softly, trying to ignore the bitterness in my stomach. _So, Lorenz was meant to be the real Duke of the Alliance. Well...that just confirms for me that we cannot be together._

I finished my tea and set the teacup on the desk. “Thank you for this tea. It was a nice treat.” I stretched my arms over my head as I stood up. _This was nice, but I need to leave now_. “Well—”

”You should not stretch your arms like that,” Lorenz said suddenly. “You will put unnecessary strain on your shoulders and risk a muscle tear.”

I dropped my arms and huffed in frustration. “ _Really_ , Lorenz? You’re going to lecture me now about _stretching_?!”

Lorenz shook his head. “Proper stretching will loosen and relax your muscles. But if you do not stretch properly you will hurt yourself.”

”Do I look like an idiot?! I know how to stretch!”

”Your shoulders have an unnatural stiffness to them.” Lorenz pointed to my shoulders as though to make his point. “Had you held that position a few moments longer, you would have strained a muscle in one or both of your shoulders. Which you obviously do not want to do ever since you switched your primary weapon to a bow.”

I tested one of my shoulders with my hand. I didn’t feel any difference in the muscle. “I feel fine.”

Lorenz huffed and stood up. “The muscle is not going to feel abnormal to you because you have tension in all of the muscles in your upper body.”

I stared at him. “Wait...I do?”

“Surely you must feel stiffness and tightness in your back.” He didn’t touch me, but his hand wavered close to my back. “Now that I am looking at you closely, I can see that your tension has had a negative effect on your posture. You should address this before we march tomorrow, otherwise you are at risk of hurting yourself in battle.”

I shook my head, but winced when I felt a twinge from the slight movement. _Well...I’ve been worried about many things and being around Lorenz has made me tense because I’m in love with him and can’t have him. Yeesh, now that he’s pointed it out I can definitively feel the stiffness in me._ “I’ll stretch properly,” I said, rubbing at my neck.

”What worries me is that even if you stretch one muscle properly, with your tension you may accidentally strain another muscle.” His eyes met mine then. “Have you considered a massage?”

”A _massage_?!” I choked on a laugh. “Not all of us are pampered nobles like you Lorenz!”

”Please do not insult me,” Lorenz said calmly. “Massages are beneficial for the health of your muscles. From shoulders to feet to hands, it will relax your muscles and relax your mind. You would be surprised to find how much stress can be alleviated from your mind when it is alleviated from your body first.”

He was speaking in a matter-of-fact tone, but the phraseology he was using to describe a massage caused an unexpected tightness to form in my body. I swallowed hard and looked away from him. “And who exactly is supposed to give me this massage? You?” I laughed to show that I meant it as an insult, but the laugh sounded like a pitiful croak.

”If you would trust me in that position,” Lorenz said softly. I looked at him wide-eyed, and he raised a hand slightly. “Please, relax. A massage can seem intimate, and usually a massage requires contact with bare skin. But I know how to perform a massage over clothing. It’s a simple chair massage, you would be sitting and not laying down. I swear as your friend that if you would allow me to do this that I would not behave inappropriately towards you. I only seek to help you.”

I swallowed hard, my throat feeling dry. I believed Lorenz when he told me that he wanted to help me. He was unafraid to claim me as a friend, and I trusted him with my life on the battlefield. If he knew how to give me a massage to help me I knew he would help me. But he didn’t know that I loved him. I wanted the massage to help me, but I subconsciously just wanted him to touch me. This urge scared me, and I desperately wanted to hide it from him.

”...Okay,” I said quietly, nodding.

”If this makes you feel uncomfortable, then I will not do it.”

”No, it’s okay.” I waved a hand. “I don’t want to end up dead tomorrow because of a shoulder cramp.”

”If you are okay with this, then I will get everything set up.” Lorenz grabbed his desk chair and brought it over to his bed. He took one of his pillows from his bed and set it on the top of his chair. “Sit here facing the back of the chair. You can rest your head here. Keep your arms down and relax yourself as much as you can.”

I nodded and complied, leaning the front of my body against the back of the chair. When I rested my head against the pillow I was shocked by how soft it was. _It’s probably made with real feathers. It feels nice...I wonder if he’ll notice if I take one of these pillows back to my room with me?_

”I am going to start with your lower back,” Lorenz said. I heard him move behind me and sit down on his bed. “And work my way up. After I am done with your back I will work on your neck. Then I will finish with your shoulders. Is that okay with you?”

I nodded against the pillow. “Go ahead.”

I nearly jumped out of my skin though when I felt Lorenz’s hands on the small of my back. My heart started pounding hard against the wall of my chest. I kept my eyes closed and tried to even out my breathing as I felt my dress wrinkle under his touch, fingers pinching and squeezing the tight muscles. I didn’t realize just how tense I really was until that moment. When I could _feel_ how taut my muscles were when he rubbed them. _Geez. I should count myself luck that I didn’t hurt myself when the bow broke in my hands..._

”Are you okay?” Lorenz was keeping a low tone.

I nodded, but then realized that he wanted me to say the words out loud. “I’m fine. How did you learn how to perform massages?”

”My father encouraged me to get massages after training exercises and excursions. When I realized how beneficial they were for my physical and mental health, I requested lessons of our family masseuse so that I could learn how to perform them myself. I...” he paused as his hands reached the middle of my back. “Pardon me for a moment. The muscle here on your right side is as hard as a rock. I am genuinely surprised that you have not suffered muscles strains or tears before.”

”Not all of all have the pleasure of getting pri...” my voice broke off as both of his hands started working on that muscle. When he pinched and squeezed the muscle, it...it hurt, at first. But after a few moments, as his fingers worked to release the tension from that side of my back, his touch...it started to feel good. With my eyes closed and my head rested against the pillow it was easy to relax and soak in his attention. The more he worked on the muscle, the more it felt like the room was disappearing. My body started to feel warm. I almost couldn’t feel the chair beneath.

”There,” Lorenz said, rubbing a hand over the now relaxed muscle. The room seemed far away but his voice had surprising clarity. “As I was saying...” he rubbed up to my upper back. “I decided that it would be beneficial to me to learn how to perform massages so that I could be in better service of people. It is my duty, as a noble, to ease the burdens of those not as fortunate as I. You are correct in that most do not have the privilege of receiving massages in the aftermath of training, or battle.” Both of his thumbs rubbed deep under my shoulder blades. “You were surprised that one time to find out that I carry items on my person to perform first aid if it is needed. A massage can be seen as a form of first aid.”

I felt a moan form deep in my throat and I swallowed hard to suppress it as his hands moved to my neck. I heard him stand up behind me. “I have not had opportunities to perform massages because my father believed such behavior was beneath my station.” Lorenz made a noise of disgust. “My parents...they are so sure of what is best for my family, however the needs of my family sometimes contradict the needs of our people. It can be quite a frustrating experience speaking to one or both of them at times.”

I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed. My skin hummed from the memory of his touch, and the warmth inside me had spread, and my heart was pounding. I knew that this would be the first and last time he would touch me like this, and I was subconsciously savoring his touch, but I didn’t want this moment to end. My eyes opened partially as his hands moved to my shoulders. “I do thank you for this opportunity to help you.” His tone...it sounded different now. Or at least I thought it did. “You need to be more careful in guarding your life, Leonie. You have had far too many near misses for my liking.”

I remembered Fort Merceus then, and heart lurched again. “I haven’t properly given you a thank you for saving me that time,” I said. My tone was quiet. 

“You are alive. That is enough reward for me.”

I saw his right hand moving against my shoulder out of the corner of my eye. I saw the scar from his hand injury across the back of his hand against his pale skin. I realized despite the scar, his hands...his fingers looked _beautiful_. I felt embarrassed for thinking this way, but I couldn’t suppress the feeling any longer.

_I love you, and I hate myself for it. I can’t be with you, and you’ve only done this for my health. But I...I want this moment to last longer. I don’t want you to stop touching me..._

Before I could stop myself, I reached up with my hand and touched his.

Lorenz stopped moving, and I flushed with embarrassment again but I didn’t let him go. I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to look at him. My own hand felt rough against his; his skin was soft and warm. My fingers were shifting—his fingers were shifting. After a few moments our hands were clasped, fingers intertwined. My heart was now pounding in my throat and I pressed my mouth together because three words were trying to bubble out. _I love you. I love you. I love you..._

I felt Lorenz kneel down on my right side, using his free hand to sit me straight. My eyes opened when his left hand cupped my cheek and widened when he pressed his mouth against mine.

_Huh?! Wh—He’s kissing me! Lorenz is kissing me!_

The contact broke and I stared stunned at him, my breathing heavy and quick. He stared back at me but his expression—it wasn’t shock. His eyes were half-lidded, and I...it was obvious that the kiss wasn’t an accident. He had intended on kissing me.

_I don’t understand. Why did he kiss me?!_

Try as I might though, I couldn’t form the words. My mouth moved soundlessly as I stared at him. Lorenz didn’t say anything either; his hands grabbed my shoulders gently and pulled me to my feet. After a moment he reached behind my head and pulled my hair loose, tossing the tie onto the chair cushion. I didn’t fight him and still didn’t say anything. I couldn’t look away from him. The atmosphere had suddenly changed in the room. Maybe it had already changed before and I just didn’t notice. But the air felt hot, and I was all too aware of the way his hands cupped my shoulders.

Lorenz leaned down and kissed me again. The contact felt warm, his lips surprisingly soft against mine. I knew I had to push him away because we shouldn’t be kissing. Anything physical that happened between us wouldn’t evolve into anything more. But...unfortunately my heart was soaring, and with beat irrational thoughts filled my mind. _Yes, please don’t stop! I love you, please kiss me and touch me!_

When his arms slid around my middle and our bodies pressed tougher as he lifted me up, the irrational thoughts overtook me. I grabbed him around the shoulders and kissed him back, deepening the kiss myself and feeling him shiver as my tongue slipped into his mouth. I could taste the Four-Spice Blend in his mouth, but his mouth also tasted like...roses? I knew he loved roses but this was still surprising but intoxicating. I cupped his face with my palm as he scooped me up fully into his arms, turning to set me down on his bed.

I sat up slightly as he sat beside me, resting my feet in his lap. He took a moment to put on a pair of gloves he had in his pocket, and I was about to ask about the gloves when he began untying my boots. It was shocking to watch a noble untying _my_ boots and pulling them off my feet, lining them up neatly beside his bed and folding my leggings at the foot of his bed. Then he leaned over to take off his own boots, taking the time to line them up next to mine. I watched him in silence, my breathing still heavy. _He...Does he want to do this? Does he want to bed me? I remember him saying that he wouldn’t waste time on meaningless romances, but..._

Lorenz had finished taking off his boots and socks, and then took his gloves back off and tossed them onto the chair. Then he turned back to me, and I swallowed hard when I saw the look in his eyes. Yes...Yes, he _definitely_ wanted to bed me. I didn’t know what drove him suddenly to this moment, but before I could react he had crawled across the bed towards me, and leaned in close to kiss me again.

And I didn’t stop him. I knew that I had to stop him, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop him. I loved him, and the more we kissed the more I felt a strange but pleasant heat building up inside me. The more we kissed, our mouths brushing together and tongues stroking and touching, the more the pleasant heat pulsed and grew. He was leaning over me, not quite on top of me, and I hadn’t laid back against his bed yet. I knew that if things continued that I _would_ be lying on that bed and Lorenz _would_ be on top of me in the throes of sex.

_I shouldn’t do this. He’s not going to be with me. But I love him, and kissing him feels so good..._

Lorenz broke the kiss, but he kissed his way to my neck as I arched my head back. His hands dropped to my waist and he undid the tie of my shawl, and I lifted my hips to help him slide it off while I braced my hands against the bed. Lorenz pressed a hand, perhaps involuntarily, against my side with my motion, but the hand lingered as did away with etiquette and tossed my shawl to the floor.

I ducked my head towards his ear as I felt his other hand touch my touch side, and the hands began to rub slowly up and down. “Lorenz,” I said softly. “I need to tell you something.”

”Hmm?” Lorenz leaned back to look at me. “What is it?”

I stared back at him in silence for a few moments. I wanted to take that moment, before this went any further, to tell him how I really felt. That I wanted to make love to him and not just bed him as casual lovers. That I loved him, and that I wanted him to forsake his noble duty and be with me, no matter how selfish that request was.

But I couldn’t form the words. A tight knot of panic formed in my chest. _He would be polite to me, but he would not accept my love confession. He won’t accept it because he can’t be with me._

So...instead of a confession of love, when I finally could form words another confession blurted out of me.

”I’m not a virgin.”

Shock flooded Lorenz’s face, followed by a blush. I felt heat on my own face from saying the words and I ducked my head. _Goddess damn you, Leonie for being so stupid!_

”Y...You are not a virgin?” Lorenz said finally, his voice strained. 

I shook my head. “It’s not something I’m proud of. I wish it hadn’t happened, but it did and I can’t take it back.”

Lorenz suddenly grabbed my shoulders and when I looked up I was alarmed to see horror in his eyes. “Leonie,” he gasped. “A...Are you telling me that you...?”

I knew immediately what he was talking about and quickly shook my head as I sat up. “N-No, it wasn’t like that at all! No one forced themselves on me!”

Lorenz almost fell over in relief. “Thank the Goddess.”

”If I’m to be honest,” I said grimly, looking away in embarrassment. “It was a serious lapse in judgment. About a year after the fall of Garreg Mach I was leading Jeralt’s mercenary group. We ran into Shamir with some Knights of Seiros somewhere in the eastern part of Faerghus. Shamir, she...” I rubbed at my nape awkwardly. “She was impressed that I had achieved my dream to become a mercenary but she had also given me some—ah, hard truths about the life that I wasn’t acknowledging.”

_”I’m not talking about guarding your life. I’m talking about guarding your body.”_

_”Eh?”_

”You’re _going to run into the worst of humanity during your mercenary work. There will never be a shortage of people who will think that you as a woman will be a weak and easy target to kill. But those types aren’t the worst. The worst are the ones like Miklan Gautier. The ones who see you as a woman...and killing you isn’t their first impulse.”_

_”Whoa, hold on a moment! I know what you’re saying, and I don’t think I need to worry about that! When I was student, most guys didn’t look twice my way! Sylvain didn’t even hit on me because he didn’t see me as a woman! I’ll be more than happy to kill scumbags like that, but look at me! I don’t think bandits or dastards would think of doing something like that with me!”_

_”It won’t matter to a dastard how unattractive they find your face when all they would need to do is bend you over.”_

”So...yeah,” I said embarrassedly. “I was still a virgin when she told me that, and while I hadn’t run into any trouble beforehand we were still in the middle of a war, and I was concerned that something like that may actually happen to me. And I absolutely did not want to lose my virginity in such a vile way, so...” I groaned painfully. “I made the decision to just lose it on my own terms. Our group went to a tavern, and I bedded a man who was interested in me. But...”

”But it was a less than desirable experience?” Lorenz offered.

”That’s one way of putting it. What’s more, I never once had _any_ encounters with bandits o-or soldiers who tried to force themselves on me, so it just feels really stupid that I lost my virginity in such a lousy manner!” I scrubbed a hand over my hand. “So, now you know.”

Lorenz sat there in silence for several long moments, which made the atmosphere feel awkward for me. I wanted to yell at him to say something, but I held my tongue and waited for his response to my...revelation.

”Well,” Lorenz said finally, looking at me. “I hope then that I will not displease you by telling you that I am a virgin.”

I gaped at him. _He...He’s never been with anyone? I know that he didn’t want a relationship that wouldn’t go anywhere, but he’s never had anyone? Then...why does he want to sleep with me now?_

Lorenz leaned back over me, and gently nuzzled my face. Despite the inexperience he admitted to me, the gesture felt good. “I would like you to stay. Would you stay here with me?”

I wanted to know his reasoning. I wanted to know why he was forsaking his own beliefs willing to bed a comrade. But I hesitated in asking these questions because I knew that it would just lead to the inevitable rejection.

_It’s the night before the battle that will end this damn war. Comrades are entering into relationships, and the Professor wanted to propose to Dimitri. I already know that Lorenz can’t be in a relationship with me, so...is he just bedding me to get rid of his virginity?_

The thought was painful, but the heat returned when he kissed me again. I was surprised by the intensity of the kiss, given that he had told me he had never been with anyone before. “Mmm...” he cupped my face in his hands and I slid my hands up his back. My body felt sensitive and hot, and when he finally broke the kiss my emotions once again overruled rational thought. “I want to stay.”

Lorenz smiled at me again, and leaned in for another kiss.

He touched me with slow and gentle caresses, but the passion mounted between us the longer we kissed. I exhaled sharply through my nose as the heat inside me continued to mount. Both hands rubbed my torso, and covered his hands with mine when they slid over and cupped my breasts. He seemed to know the right way to rub and squeeze them, his thumbs finding my nipples through the fabric of my dress and rubbing around and over the peaks. The sharp pulses of pleasure caused me to break the kiss to gasp because I couldn’t breathe. I reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt, swallowing hard as I saw his lithe but muscular frame. Lorenz shrugged off the shirt and let it fall to the floor, and I reached out to touch his chest. His skin was as pale as it always was compared to my sun-tanned skin, and Lorenz grabbed one of my wrists to press a kiss into my palm. Every brush of his mouth against my skin increased the hunger I felt for him and I leaned back in to kiss his mouth again.

We discarded our clothes until we were sitting in his bed in our small clothes. I buried a hand in his hair and kissed him hard. “Mmm.” I felt a sliver of satisfaction and arousal at hearing him moan against my mouth. My other hand stroked up and down his upper arm as his hands slid up under my camisole. My heart began slamming in anticipation, and my body jolted when he cupped my breasts again, this time skin against skin. He moaned again, and I made a strangled noises when he gently pinched both nipples between his thumbs and fingers. I grabbed the hem of my camisole and pulled it over my head, breaking the kiss briefly to finish taking it off. Lorenz paused for a moment to look me over, and I flushed when I saw him smile and the admiration and desire in his eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

”I’m really not, but thank you,” I said. 

Lorenz shook his head. “Self-deprivation? That is not like you, Leonie.”

”Hey—”

Lorenz bent his head down, and my voice broke off as his mouth found my breasts. Sparks of pleasure quickly hummed through my body as he planted firm and quick kisses to the skin and my eyes rolled back as I slid them shut. I shivered from the pulsating sensation that washed over me when he dragged his tongue slowly over my nipple, and I fell back onto the bed as he enveloped it in his mouth.

”Mmm...ahnnn...” Lorenz was now laying on top of me as he sucked and kissed my breast, one hand cupping and squeezing the other so that it was not neglected, nipple squeezed at the base of two fingers. My legs parted, opening to him, and he shifted so that he was laying between my legs. I opened my eyes and looked down at him and saw him staring at me, seeming to watch for my reactions to his ministrations. His head shifted, his mouth moving to my other breast and he sucked the nipple into his mouth hard. “Ahh! Hahh!” I couldn’t suppress my own voice as I arched my head back. I started to feel an unfamiliar fullness in my breasts the longer he kissed and touched them, the skin growing more and more sensitive with even the slightest contact. Despite admitting that I wasn’t a virgin, the lover who had taken my virginity had boasted of his incredible lovemaking skills but had been just...lacking. We were in bed for all of five minutes before he was finished, and I remembered how awkward I felt lying there sore from my first sexual experience watching him sit beside me bawling his eyes out.

Lorenz had said he was a virgin, but the way he touched and kissed me wasn’t awkward or lacking. His motions were unsure, but he recognized when I responded to him and repeated those motions to get further responses from me. His mouth finally left my breasts and he pressed kisses to my abdomen while his hands continued to cup and massage my breasts. I looked down at him then and was startled by how aroused my body looked in conjunction to how it felt. My breasts looked swollen under his hands, nipples red and standing, and I arched my head back again when his tongue dipped into my navel. “Hmm...ah...”

His hands slid down my body, gooseflesh breaking out over my skin as I shivered under him, and his fingers hooked into the top of my small clothes. I didn’t stop him as he pulled the last piece of clothing off, but I covered my eyes with one hand to hide as I became fully nude before him. I wasn’t soft and delicate like the type of woman he wanted to marry. I was thin but I had callouses and scars, my skin was rough in some areas and I was unshaven. He didn’t say anything, but then I felt his hands on my knees. Even while hiding my face I couldn’t suppress my sigh when he slid his hands down my thighs and back up my torso. His hands found my breasts and he rubbed his fingers over both nipples. I moaned again, the noise soft as my body arched into his touch. 

I felt him lean over me again, his breath stirring my face. “Leonie. Please look at me.”

I knew that I blushing, but I did as requested as dropped my hand away from my face. I met his gaze reluctantly and was startled to see him smiling, the desire still there in his eyes. “Thank you,” he said, and reached underneath me to grab the blankets. He pulled them down to my knees and then grabbed his third pillow from the chair. He lifted me up slightly and tucked the pillow underneath my bottom before he shifted so that he slid underneath the the blanket. I leaned up onto my elbows again, and my heart began slamming again when he shifted his body to the foot of the bed, his head between my legs. “U-Um, do you want to do that?” I asked him. “You don—”

He pressed a firm kiss to my thigh, and my breath caught in my throat as he used his hands to encourage my knees to bend. My breathing quickened when he moved lower, and I trembled when I felt his mouth against me. My elbows gave out and I fell back against the bed from the pulses of pleasurable warmth that hummed from my lower body. I closed my eyes as his tongue traced the folds of flesh experimentally, mouth pressing and kissing from bottom to top, fingers rubbing around the exterior. “Ooh,” I breathed, the sound involuntary when his mouth flicked at the top and a sharp pleasant feeling pulsed briefly like a heartbeat. Lorenz paused briefly, then pushed up with his fingers and sucked the nub into his mouth.

I panted and sighed from the tendrils of warmth invoking from the way his mouth moved against me. The touches were gentle, slow, and his fingers slid down to gently massage the lips up and down. “Haa...uhnn...” my hips began lift to the motions of his fingers and mouth, and his free hand slid under me and pressed upwards, encouraging me to move. I arched my head against the pillow and my fingers gripped his bedspread. _H...Where did this come from? If he’s never taken someone to bed before, then how can he—_

Lorenz’s tongue dragged against me hard, and it felt so good that my whole body trembled. He repeated the motion again, faster this time, and I sat up partially as my breathing came out harder and heavier. “Guh! Ahh!” My eyes were squeezed shut, but that meant my focus was entirely on the pleasure he was bringing to my body. He was now sucking and licking me hard and fast, and his fingers pressed down as they continued to rub me up and down. My body felt so hot...a pleasant pressure building up inside. I knew what was happening, and it felt so good I almost begged him to keep going. I was able to salvage some of my pride to prevent me from saying it. Heat pooled down into my lower body, and I began shaking again as incredibly intense pleasure filled me. “Haa...ahh!” My mouth was hanging open, and I was gripping the bedspread so tight that I may have torn it.

But Lorenz didn’t stop the motions of his mouth or fingers, and I arched against him hard as the pressure broke and fire-hot pleasure surged through my body. “AH!” I shouted, throwing my head back, my hips twitching against him. “Haaaaa!” Lorenz’s fingers and mouth and continued to move through the aftershocks, and the hand under me helped to move.

I fell back onto the bed panting heavily, my senses dizzy. Lorenz sat back up and I opened my eyes to see him carefully sliding his small clothes off and tossing them to the floor. He was so aroused that he was also panting, his face flushed, and I swallowed hard when I saw his erection. I met his gaze again. “D...Do you want me...?” I let my voice trail off.

Lorenz shook his head and smiled. “It is not necessary.” He slowly maneuvered back on top of me and kissed me deeply. I knew I was physically ready for this, but my heart was pounding in my again and I felt a final hum of dread in my thoughts. _This isn’t lovemaking because he doesn’t love you! You are better than being a mistress to a lord! You—_

”Mmm...” I felt him rub against me, the sensation pleasant and heightening my arousal, driving away the unpleasant thought. Lorenz broke the kiss to grunt softly as he looked down to guide himself. “I will do my best to please you,” he said softy.

”I know,” I said, because I didn’t know what to say. No matter if he was using me, I could see by his body language that this was really his first time. I tried to keep relaxed but I kept remembering back to _my_ first time and how disappointing it was. _Well, no matter what happens after this I can be grateful for the pleasure he already gave me._

”Nnngh!” Lorenz made a rumbling noise in his throat as he began easing into my body. I could feel my muscles stretch around him, the sensation not painful but not comfortable, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his face. His body was shivering, eyes shut and mouth hanging open as he panted harshly. He swallowed thickly, “Mmm...” when he was buried to the base. I slid my hands up his arms and wrapped them around his shoulders and he relaxed upon me. He grabbed one of my legs and hoisted it over his elbow while I closed my eyes. Lorenz turned my face towards his and he kissed me again.

His first movements were slow, testing, and he shifted his hips as he sought the right angle and rhythm. My body relaxed quickly and the friction between us started to feel good; the pillow under me gave me leverage as he moved against me. I rolled my hips to match his motions and he groaned loudly, and as he did I gasped as I felt a spark of pleasure hum through me. He kissed my cheek and we clung to each other as he focus his motions on repeating this thrust.

It didn’t hurt at all. Now that he found the rhythm and was comfortable with the movements, I couldn’t think beyond the pulses of pleasure that filled me every time our bodies met. “Haa...ahn...” I loosened my grip on his shoulders and my hands slid down his back. I found his backside and squeezed, encouraging his movements. He was pressed on top of me, the skin of his groin rubbing against mine and further tantalizing me. “Hmm! Mmm!” I pressed my lips together because I was afraid of shouting again.

Lorenz groaned deeply into my ear again. “Are you... all right?”

I nodded jerkily, not trusting my voice. He thankfully saw the motion and didn’t prompt me for a further response. He snapped his hips hard against me, and I gasped loudly as I felt the familiar and pleasant heat start to fill me again. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t hold back my voice and grabbed his shoulder blades. “Haa...Haa...” I opened my eyes and met his gaze, and seeing the look of lust and arousal in his expression sent me over the edge again. “HAA! AH!” I slammed my pelvis against his as my body filled with the heat of my release, and I arched my head back again as I moaned loudly. 

Lorenz surprised me by cursing loudly, and he quickly withdrew from me. I felt him shudder and he groaned sharply as I felt wetness on the pillow. Lorenz pulled the pillow out from underneath me and took off the expensive cover, rolling it up into a ball and tossing it to the floor at the foot of his bed before tossing the pillow back onto the chair. Then he collapsed beside me in bed. I lay there staying at the ceiling as I puffed out breath. Lorenz lay beside me, his breathing also heavy. My body felt good, satisfied...but the euphoria quickly faded as my heart wrenched inside my chest.

_How could you do this, Leonie? How could you give your body to Lorenz? To a noble of House Gloucester?! It doesn’t matter that you love him! You’re not the type of woman he wants to marry! All you will amount to now is nothing more than the mistress of a blasted lord! You’re everything that you despise now!_

I closed my eyes as I struggled to calm my breathing. I felt so sick in my heart that I was afraid I would burst into tears. _You can still escape this with some of your dignity intact. Get up and leave before he kicks you out of his bed._

I nodded to myself, and kept my eyes closed as I turned onto my side to sit up. _He was a good lover to me. I can be thankful for that at least._

A hand caught my arm before I sat up fully. “Where are you going?”

Lorenz. His tone was still breathless but I didn’t miss the worry there. I opened my eyes, proud of myself that I successfully kept the tears at bay. I kept myself turned away from him though and swallowed to steady my voice. “I’m leaving.”

”Leaving?” Lorenz asked. Now his tone was full of confusion. “I do not understand. Why are you leaving? Did I ask you to leave? I thought I asked you to stay.”

I was honestly shocked by his behavior. _Why was he putting on airs all of a sudden? He got what he wanted from me._ ”You wanted me to stay to bed me,” I said softly, still not looking at him. “And I did, and I thank you for being generous to me. But I’m sparing you the trouble of kicking me out of your bed so I’m leaving first.”

“I...do not understand,” Lorenz repeated himself.

His feigned obliviousness filled me with anger, and tears stung my eyes again. But I wouldn’t let myself cry. “Look, you got what you wanted from me,” I said hotly. “You lost your virginity before tomorrow’s march. And when this war is over, you’re going to go home and take over as Count of House Gloucester and marry some rich woman who bears a Crest! So while I appreciate your care, you don’t need to force politeness and act like this meant anything more than a tumble between the sheets to you! I’m a grown woman, I can handle the reality of this situation, thank you!”

My breathing was heavy and ragged again, and it took every ounce of willpower to not cry. My chest and throat hurt from my throbbing emotions. It was painful because I loved Lorenz so much, and I gave myself to him because I loved him, but it _hurt_ so much to have given myself to him when I wasn’t going to get that love in return!

_But you knew what to expect. You just decided not to listen to your instincts._

I expected Lorenz to let me go and let me leave. I didn’t expect the hand on my arm to tighten to an iron grip. “You know,” he said, and I stiffened when I heard his tone. It was an unfamiliar tone; low, cold, and full of rage. “I have tolerated you putting words into my mouth quite often. I will _not_ tolerate it now.”

”Wh—”

Before I could react, I was yanked backwards and pushed down on my back against the bed. Lorenz straddled me, almost sitting on top of me. I struggled briefly, but Lorenz grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head against the headboard. “Lor—”

” _No_ ,” Lorenz rasped at me, and my eyes widened when I saw his expression. He was incredibly angry, but he also looked hurt. _Betrayed_ , even. “You said your piece and I listened. Now you will be quiet and listen to me.”

I gaped at him as he leaned down, his nose almost touching mine. “Is that what you think of me, Leonie? Is that the kind of man you think I am? That I would just bed a woman to use her for no other purpose than to satisfy a sexual need?! That I would do that to someone I consider to be a _close friend_?! Is that what you think of me?! How dare you! How dare you look upon me with such contempt and still bed me! I have never, _ever_ been so grievously insulted in all of my life!”

I was stunned by his anger, and I felt guilty for causing these negative emotions. But his own words I had overheard him say echoed in my ears again, and my anger spilled over. “Excuse me? This isn’t what I _think_ of you! I’m just following words that _you_ have said!”

”What?”

“You told Professor Byleth you need a proper lady from an affluential family to be your wife! You told Mercedes that you need a wife who will benefit your House and that you can’t waste your time on, on—fanciful courtships, or something! I’m none of those things! I’m just a Crestless mercenary with commoner origins from a village that pays vassalage to _your_ family! I’m not stupid, I know this doesn’t mean anything to you!” I couldn’t stop the tears then and my anger mounted as they spilled out, because Lorenz still held my wrists and I couldn’t stop them. “You think I see you with nothing but contempt, but I know what you really think and feel so don’t you dare turn this back around me!”

The anger had melted from Lorenz’s face, and his cheeks had darkened. He seemed to be blushing in embarrassment. He ducked his head slightly, and I could no longer see his face. “Don’t you dare deny you said any of that,” I said darkly.

”I deny nothing. I did say those things because I believed them. You have eavesdropped on many of my conversations with other people then?”

I felt myself flush with shame and I sniffled in embarrassment and pulled against the grip on my wrists. “Let me go.”

”Leonie.” His tone became softer and he looked at me again. I went still when I saw the sadness in his expression and in his violet eyes. “Do you think me the same person as a teenage boy full of self-importance? I am not a boy anymore. I am a man, and I am not the same person I was when I said those things. I would be quite foolish to be that same person, would I not? You have listened in on many of my conversations, so did you not listen in on my most recent private conversation with the Professor?”

I blinked in confusion, tears still leaking. “I-I don’t understand.”

Lorenz let me go then, and he reached down to wipe the tears off of one cheek. “I told the Professor that I was going to choose my marriage partner based on love. That I was not going to allow society or my father to dictate who I should spend the rest of my life with. Do you not see, Leonie?” He wiped the tears off my other cheek. “That person is you.”

I gasped hard, my eyes going wide even as I felt a lurch in my heart. “W- _What_?”

”I love you. I have been in love with you for quite some time.” Lorenz laughed softly. “I believe I may have realized my feelings for you when you fired that ballista at me at the Great Bridge of Myrddin. But you have occupied my thoughts for a while now. Years, even. It was...something that I had noticed when my father first allied with the Empire. I was scared and conflicted at the prospect of facing my friends as enemies on the battlefield, but I had noticed that I could not stop thinking about you. The fear I felt when I realized that I might face you on the battlefield as an enemy. Belonging to House Gloucester I had to follow the will of my father and abide to our alliance with the Emperor, but...” he shook his head. “I am not so confident that had I faced you in battle that I would have been able to hurt you. The fact that you had such power over me, even though I did not know your whereabouts, frightened me deeply. Now I know that I thought of you and worried for you because you had ensnared my heart. The first and the last person to do so. I love you, most ardently.”

”Y...” I couldn’t breathe. I thought I would faint. Lorenz was still leaning over me so I couldn’t sit up so I leaned up on my elbows. “Y-You...You love _me_?”

Lorenz nodded. His expression was still somber. “Yes. I would not say so if I did not mean it.”

I pressed a hand to my mouth but I couldn’t stop the sob that ruptured from my throat. Lorenz started slightly but I covered my face with my hands and curled up on my side beneath him. The tears and sobs were so powerful that it echoed in the room and shook my body. I was happy, so happy to hear his feelings but my insides were twisted up because these feelings scared me. I did not know how we could possibly have a happy ending together when our lives were so different. When our obligations were so different.

“D...” I shook my head as I cried. “Do you know? Do you know how _hard_ this has been for me? Feeling what I f-feel for you? Dreaming about this moment b-because it goes against everything I believed about myself? What I wanted for myself?!” I curled in tighter, pressing my hands hard against my eyes. “I wanted...” my breath hitched and I had to take moment to calm myself because my sobs caused me to hyperventilate. I quieted my tone as I forced myself to calm down. “I wanted to be beside you. When I looked at you I s-started thinking that my whole life was a mistake! I t-thought all I wanted to be was a mercenary, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you!

“I would hear your v-voice in my ears, and see your smug smile when I closed my eyes. And I felt wretched, so _wretched_ because I wasn’t supposed to love you! I wasn’t s-supposed to feel anything for you! But it kept growing and growing and I couldn’t control it, and then I shared my body with you and...” I shook my head again and I swallowed the next sob, and my voice was so low that I was almost mumbling. “I didn’t think you could love me back.”

I wasn’t looking at Lorenz, but I heard his unsteady breathing. “You are in love with me too, Leonie?”

”Mmm!” I nodded my head jerkily, still not looking at him. I felt him move away from me and climb out of bed. “You probably don’t believe me because I’m some lowly commoner with no money to my name. D...Come on Lorenz, do you honestly see anything coming from this? W-When you look at me, do _I_ look like someone who belongs on the arm of a nobleman? Tucked away in some fancy castle, pushing out babies in some futile attempt to get a Cre—”

A hand cupped my face and my head was turned. Even with my hands over my eyes I felt lips brush against my cheek. Lorenz had returned to the bed and was leaning over me, lips gliding over my skin. My cheeks, my chin, my forehead—he gently kissed any exposed skin on my face. The touches made my heart pound, but the tension eased from my body. I lowered my hands away from my face, my hands sliding up his upper arms as he kissed my eyelids and nuzzled my face. I opened my eyes finally and reluctantly met his gaze. My breath hitched again and I swallowed hard when I saw the look in his eyes. He didn’t need to say the words again; I could _see_ the love he felt for me. No one had ever looked at me like this before, and being the subject of this gaze filled me with warmth.

_How can someone so charmless be so charming? Oh Goddess, I love him..._

”I’m sorry,” I said, my tone quiet. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for thinking the worst of you without asking you what your feelings are.”

Lorenz shook his head and stroked my cheek. He was so close that his lips would meet mine if he leaned down slightly. “No. It is I who owe you the apology. I should have told you my feelings before making love to you. Had I confessed my feelings first, then you would not have drawn those conclusions about my intentions. I am not proud of myself for giving in to carnal urges before making my feelings clear. But I hope that I have made my intentions clear to you now.”

I swallowed hard. “I...”

”It is as I said,” he said, his tone still soft. “What was important to me when I was younger is not so important to me now. I do not care if my parents or other nobles do not accept you as my wife. I do not want anyone else but you.”

”B...” I puffed out a short breath. “I’m a mercenary. I lead Jeralt’s old group. We...I have obligations to them.”

”Then fulfill those obligations to them first. Achieve your personal goals with them, and then please come be with me. I can wait however long it takes for you to come to me. I only plead that you not forget me.”

”B-But what if I’m a mercenary for _years_?”

”Then I will wait years for you.”

”B...” I looked away briefly before looking back at him. “I don’t have a Crest. I-If I have children, what if they don’t have Crests?”

”Then my heir will be Crestless. They will be my children too, and I will love and cherish them the same.”

”W-What if we don’t have any children at all?”

Lorenz shrugged. ”Then we do not have children.”

I scoffed. “Do you have an answer for everything then?!”

”If it means convincing you to be with me, absolutely.”

I shook my head and closed my eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

”You wound me. I am but a man who wants to be with the woman he loves.” I heard him shift again. “Leonie, could you open your eyes?”

I did, and gaped. In his right hand he held a ring with a green stone. The ring was gold and looked gaudy, exactly what I would expect Lorenz Hellman Gloucester to offer to his future wife. I didn’t like jewelry, but I felt tears sting my eyes as I stared at the ring.

”This is not a family heirloom,” Lorenz told me. “This is a ring, a green diamond, that I bought with my own money. Money I earned through my hard work in this Army and not money from my family. It is not because I do not find you worthy of a Gloucester family heirloom, but I hope to illustrate my intention to carve my own path in life. I am the next Count Gloucester, but I will decide my fate. I will govern based on what is right for my people, not for what is beneficial for my family. And in choosing my partner based on love, I present you a ring of my choosing, as a symbol of my love.”

”Y...” I looked between him and the ring. “You...Really are serious. You really want to be with me.” I leaned up slightly and looked at the teapot. “Y...You brewed my favorite tea. You bought me a ring, and the tea—” I looked at him. “Lorenz...you were going to propose tonight?”

Lorenz smiled. ”I know that it was a bit forward considering I was not courting you, but with the battle upon us I could think of no other way to convey my feelings than this. I was planning on coming down to see you in your room, however you showed up here in my room and I...”

”Okay, enough.” I waved a hand. “If we’re going to make this official, let’s not dwell on the what-ifs.”

Lorenz ‘tsked’ at me. “A proper proposal of marriage requires more finesse than that Leonie.” He took my left hand and raised it. He pressed a kiss to my knuckles and met my gaze. “I will wait however long it takes for you. Will you marry me?”

I knew that it was coming but I was still overwhelmed with emotions as I nodded. “Yes! Of course I will!” I looked at the ring as he got ready to slide it onto my finger. “I...Is that ring really for me? I-I’m almost scared to wear it. What if I lose it in battle, o-or it breaks?”

”If it will please you, I can hold onto the ring until you are ready to be with me and present to you again. For now, though...I would very much like for you to wear it tonight.”

Then he slid the ring onto my finger. The fit was perfect, which stunned me. “How did you know my ring size?”

Lorenz laughed softly again. “If I am to be truthful I did not know. That was the ring’s size when I purchased it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and reached up to slide my arms around his shoulders. Our lips met in a kiss, and I was startled to feel the warmth of love in my body grow into the familiar heat from earlier. I buried a hand in his hair as our kiss deepened, became more frantic. His tongue swept through my mouth and pressed deep, and I moaned softly as my body shivered from the sensations.

”Please,” Lorenz said, his tone breathless and desperate. His eyes were closed and he was breathing harshly. I sighed as his hands found my breasts again. “Forgive me, but I must make to love you again.”

I smiled against his mouth. “Giving in to carnal urges again?”

Lorenz laughed shortly. “I thought I would be polite in letting my intentions known, since I gave in to passion so easily without doing so earlier.”

I felt his erection against my thigh, and his unsteady breathing made my heart pound. “Give in. I want it too.”

Lorenz sighed, the sound almost in relief as he moved back on top of me. “Thank you.”

The joining of our bodies for the second time felt surreal, dreamy. My eyes squeezed shut and I panted quickly as my body opened to him, inner muscles twitching and pulsating around his flesh. He hooked my legs over his arms and braced his hands against the mattress, but his movements started slow and caressing. He leaned down to kiss me as he moved against me, and we found that we didn’t want to separate our mouths. “Mmm! Mmm...” I was breathing hard through my nose and my moans rumbled in my throat as they were smothered by his kisses. On his next thrust I felt a jolt of hot pleasure shake my body and I broke the kiss to arch my head against the pillow. He didn’t miss my reaction and he seemed to focus his movements on repeating the motion.

“Haa! Nnngh!” I clenched my teeth, unable to hold back my voice as his pace quickened, the thrusts short and pounding and bursts of vibrating pleasure hummed through me each time our groins met. I grabbed his upper arms and leaned my head down to meet his gaze. His face was flushed and his eyes glazed over in arousal. His mouth was open as he panted his pleasure, letting out a soft groan every so often. “Ah...” I closed my eyes as I savored the friction of our bodies. “A-Are you really—a virgin?” I panted in confusion. “H-How can you b-be so good at this if you haven’t—augh!” I arched my head back again.

”I...read books,” Lorenz panted quietly, and I twitched as he leaned down to kiss my breasts. 

“Y— _You_ read books on lovemaking?”

”Yes. I have been...studying courtship and lovemaking for a long time. I n-needed to know—” he groaned deeply as he raised his head again. “I needed to learn how to make—keep, my future wife happy.”

It didn’t surprise me that he learned about courtship from reading books; his technique with flirting was always stilted and superficial. But he _studied_ lovemaking? I couldn’t think about it further though as I felt the familiar pleasurable heat sear inside me and spread. “Haa! Aaah!” My pelvis rocked as best as it could against his body from my curled position. “Uuhn!”

Lorenz abruptly stopped moving, and I quickly looked down. He was looking over his shoulder towards the bedroom door. The pleasure inside me burned to the point of aching pain. “W-What’s wrong?” I asked, embarrassed by my desperate tone.

”I thought I heard someone at my door,” he said. We both lay there panting and staring at the door for a few moments. I couldn’t hear anything, but at the same time my attention was wholly occupied by the ache in my body. The longer we lingered the more my body ached. I wanted to tell him to keep moving, but just thinking the feeling filled me with shame and I swallowed the words. Unfortunately my gulp induced a noise of desperation, and Lorenz quickly turned back to me. “I am sorry,” he said, and leaned down to kiss me as he snapped his hips against my body.

The pleasure and heat returned, but with the ache the sensations burned inside me. The noises rumbled up in my throat and I couldn’t control my voice as I clung to his shoulders. “Oh, _Goddess_!” I twitched and convulsed beneath him as I felt his thumb rub me and the pressure burst, and the aching ceased as pleasure flooded my body. “AAH! Haaa!” I couldn’t control the tremors in my body, moaning loudly in pants as he continued to stroke my nub and move inside me. I collapsed against the bed dizzy, and I felt Lorenz trembling as he sat up and slid out of me. I felt that he was still hard, and despite my daze I quickly grabbed him in my hand. “ _Oh_!” Lorenz shouted, and with just one stroke he released himself, his spent spilling onto my hand and arm. He shuddered and groaned softly, his hips jerking slightly against my hand. “Apologies,” he said softly.

”You don’t need to apologize,” I told him, my tone also soft as I looked for something to clean my arm with. Lorenz reached behind me, and he dipped a cloth into his wash basin. He used the cloth to clean both of us before climbing out of bed. I watched him blow out all of his expensive candles, shrouding the room in darkness as he dropped the cloth to the floor. He slid back into bed and pulled me into his arms. My body relaxed and I smiled as he tucked the expensive covers around us. I played with strands of his hair as we lay there together, our breathing and heartbeats relaxing. After a few moments I realized that he was playing with my hair too.

_I almost can’t believe this is really happening. I’m really with him. The future is uncertain now, but...but for now, I’m with him._

Lorenz turned my head towards him and he kissed me briefly. “I ask of you to stay with me tonight.”

I stroked his cheek and met his gaze. “I don’t want to be anywhere else. Especially if you give me another massage.”

Lorenz laughed. “I could teach you how to perform massages too. It is a most useful skill.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

I awoke feeling slightly confused as I sensed my surroundings. When I opened my eyes I saw the familiar wooden wall. I lay there very still for a moment, unable to breathe. _Did...Did I dream all of last night?_

Then I noticed the texture of the pillow under my head. The blankets that covered me. It didn’t feel like the pillow or blankets in my room. Then my eyes fell to my left hand resting on the mattress beside me, and I exhaled sharply when I saw the ring on my finger. _No. It was real._

I heard a deep sigh behind me, and a hand rubbed up my bare arm from my elbow. When the hand reached my shoulder I felt lips press against the back of my shoulder. My heart began pounding and my closed my eyes as I felt breath stir my ear. “Good morning.”

I reached back with my hand and rubbed Lorenz’s nape as I turned my head to meet his kiss. The kiss was slow and lazy, but heat began to fill my body in a slow wave as he coaxed me onto my back. He didn’t climb on top of me but rather curled up at my side as our kiss deepened. The intensity left me breathless, and I cupped his face to gently push him back. “W...What time is it?” I wanted to maintain some clarity before I gave in to my desire.

”Hmm?” Lorenz looked up as I blinked to clear my vision. “It appears to be dawn.”

”Damn!” I shouted, feeling a jolt of panic. “We’re supposed to be marching at dawn!”

I saw the realization dawn on Lorenz’s face, and in a flash we were out of bed, knocking the chair over as we frantically threw our clothes on. I cursed under my breath as I yanked on my small clothes. “I can’t let the Professor down! I will be ready for her!” I shrugged my dress on over my head. “I have to—”

As soon as I yanked my skirt down over my thighs, Lorenz suddenly grabbed me. My eyes widened as I saw that he was only wearing pants and was shirtless. His arms wrapped around my middle as he pulled me into another kiss. I melted into his arms and slid mine around his neck and kissed him back hard and eager. “You are dangerous,” he murmured against my mouth. “We have an important mission, but I cannot stop thinking about kissing you.”

I felt the same, and my knees shook from the intensity. “Me, too,” I admitted softly. Lorenz responded to my words by pulling me tighter against him, his mouth moving fast and sensual against mine. We both moaned quietly, and in the moment I forgot about our mission. I wanted him to throw me back onto his bed and make love to me again. “I love you.” The words came out in a gasp.

Lorenz groaned loudly, and his hands slid up to cup my face. “I love you, too,” he moaned, and he buried his hands into my hair.

Lorenz’s doors suddenly burst open, and a voice flooded the room. “Hey, Lorenz! I hope that you’re awake, because—”

We broke apart abruptly and turned towards the door. My mouth hung open and shock filled my body at the person standing there in the room with us. “C... _Claude_?!”

Claude von Riegan, our former House leader and the former Duke of the Alliance, was standing there staring at Lorenz and I with a slack-jawed expression. I glanced at Lorenz and saw that he was slack-jawed. We were all wearing the same expression as we stood there in silence for several long, and painfully awkward moments.

Claude raised a hand to point at us, still slack-jawed, but then abruptly dropped his arm. “...Well!” he said, still stunned. “You’re here too, Leonie! That saves me the trouble of looking for you!”

”Why, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester.” My jaw dropped even lower as Hilda Valentine Goneril swept into the room to stand beside Claude. She was shaking her head and ‘tsking’ at us. “Having a woman in your bedchamber overnight? How unbecoming of a proper noble like you.”

”Excuse me?!” Lorenz shot back. “I will not tolerate getting a lecture from _you_ of all people Hilda!”

”W-Where did you two come from?!” I sputtered. “Last time we saw you two, you were sailing off in a boat from Almyra!”

”A lot has happened since then and we are very short on time,” Claude said. He waved to us. “Both of you should get your clothes on and meet us at the Greenhouse. I don’t have a lot of time to explain things, so we’re going to explain everything once everyone gets together.”

”But what exactly is going on?” Lorenz demanded. “Are you marching with us to Enbarr?”

Claude shook his head at him. “Does it take just one roll between the sheets for your attention span to permanently alter, Lorenz? I just said I’ll explain everything downstairs.”

”And to do this in your old dormitory?” Hilda said in mocking shock. She pressed a hand over her heart dramatically. “Why, have some consideration for your neighbors! The walls are quite thin, you know!”

”I am _very_ aware of how thin these walls are,” Lorenz retorted. “Or have you forgotten that Claude’s old room is on the other side of _that_ wall, Hilda?!” He jabbed his finger towards the wall to our right.

”Oh wow, my room was on the other side of _that_ wall?” Claude asked with humorous sarcasm. “Why didn’t someone tell me sooner? But seriously, you both need to get moving now. Please.” He turned on his heel and walked out.

Hilda lingered long enough to look around Lorenz’s room with genuine admiration. “I love what you did with your room, Lorenz. I almost wished I did the same with my old room, but it’s better that I didn’t since I ended up leaving this place anyway.”

”I have to get my gear and suit up my armor,” I said, hastily yanking my boots on. “I’ll see you downstairs, Lorenz.”

”Of course,” Lorenz said, slowly picking his shirt up off the floor.

”’Of course’? Is that it Lorenz?!” Hilda demanded. “You should not dismiss a lady so callously after you invited her to your be—”

Lorenz grabbed Hilda and as gently and gentlemanly as possible—bodily dragged her to his doors. “Thank you Hilda, I will see you downstairs.” Instead of being angry at being manhandled, Hilda laughed rather maniacally as Lorenz set her outside his doors and slammed them shut in her face.

”W—” my words were cut off when Lorenz grabbed me and pulled me in for another deep kiss. I groaned and buried my hands in his hair as my knees trembled. When we pulled back I noticed my ring and started to pull it off, but Lorenz. “Please. I know you must take it off before battle, but would you do the honor of wearing it a little while longer?”

I smiled at him, my heart aching as I withdrew my hand. “Okay.” I leaned up and gave him another kiss. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

Lorenz smiled at me. “As you wish, my Lady.”

I flushed at the endearment but quickly took my leave. _Well...everything worked out much differently than I thought it would. When I woke up yesterday morning, I never thought I would wake up the following morning in Lorenz’s bed. And wearing his engagement ring..._

”Took you long enough!” Hilda called out from down the hall. I blushed harder as I saw her waving to me nonchalantly and I hurried over to her. “Please keep your voice down!” I hissed.

Hilda laughed and shook her head. “Just relax Leonie, no one’s going to care! Everyone else is already at the Greenhouse, so go hurry and suit up. We have a long way to travel.”

”Yeah, Enbarr is pretty far—”

But Hilda shook her head at me again. ”Oh no, we’re not going to Enbarr. We have a new mission, Leonie. Wait until you hear about this...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this idea in my head, based on Lorenz’s interactions with characters, that he’s so terrible with courtship because he read books on proper courtship, but the books he used for reference were absolutely terrible. From this I then got the idea that Lorenz also read books on sex education in order to maintain a happy marriage and please his future wife, as he doesn’t strike me as someone who would take on a mistress. So thus, I concluded that Lorenz educated himself on courtship and lovemaking from reading books, and that the books he read about sex were a LOT more helpful than his courtship books, lol.


End file.
